The Courage to be Likable
When I was in my mid-20s, I had a job doing event planning in Washington, DC. One of my more glamorous assignments was to escort the President of the United States while he visited my boss, a senior military leader. During a moment between events, I glanced at the President and First Lady standing patiently in the corner and began to realize (panic) that I would need to be the one to figure out how to fill the empty time.
Just as I opened my mouth to ad lib something mildly interesting about the historic home we were in, the President started casually moving through the room, shaking hands with the 10 or so other handlers and aides. Smiling broadly, he asked where they were from, joked around, and gave a few high fives.
I stood and watched as he effortlessly worked the room, putting everyone at ease and making each person feel special. I thought to myself, “This is the leader of the free world, and he’s cracking jokes like he’s been friends with these strangers for years.” None of his multiple aides and assistants was fawning over him; they were taking in what must have been a common scene of the President making others feel welcome.
As he met each person and made sure they each got a photo, it dawned on me that his success was attributable to his likability. It was genuine, effortless, and warm. I pictured myself having a beer with him. Like, I would hang out with this guy. Seriously.
Then I reasoned, if the most powerful person in the world could be welcoming and kind, certainly I could do it. I had far less riding on it. Despite the cold, authoritarian leadership styles I had been exposed to, which seemed to be the preferred styles in my organization, I had always leaned toward a more approachable, kinder leadership philosophy.
This was the moment I needed to give myself permission to be a likable leader.
As a leader, being likable is often misunderstood. Some associate it with being overly accommodating or “too nice,” fearing it will lead to being taken advantage of. Others question whether being liked by your team is even necessary. However, true likability in leadership is not about sacrificing authority or catering to every whim—it’s about building trust, fostering respect, and creating an environment where people genuinely want to excel.
The Difference Between Being Likable and Being Nice
Being “nice” is often superficial, centered on avoiding conflict or keeping everyone happy in the moment. A "nice" leader might avoid giving constructive feedback or make decisions to please others at the expense of long-term goals. On the other hand, being likable means balancing approachability with accountability. Likable leaders are fair, empathetic, and consistent. They earn respect by showing integrity and caring about their team’s well-being, while also holding them to high standards.
Why Likability Matters in Leadership
Research supports the idea that likable leaders are more effective. According to a study published in Harvard Business Review, leaders who are seen as likable and competent have the greatest influence. When employees like their leader, they are more engaged, collaborative, and committed to achieving goals.
Likable leaders create a culture of psychological safety, where team members feel valued and comfortable sharing ideas or admitting mistakes. This fosters innovation, reduces workplace stress, and leads to higher job satisfaction. Happy teams are cohesive, and cohesive teams are productive.
Addressing the Fear of Being Taken Advantage Of
One of the most common concerns about likability is that it can make leaders seem weak or easily manipulated. The key to avoiding this is setting clear boundaries and expectations. Likability doesn’t mean being a pushover; it means being approachable while maintaining authority. For example:
Be empathetic but firm: Listen to your team’s concerns, but don’t shy away from making tough decisions. Ultimately, you are responsible for what the team does or fails to do.
Communicate clearly: Set expectations upfront so team members understand what’s required of them. Also tell them what they can expect from you.
Stay consistent: Treat everyone with fairness and follow through on your commitments.
Likability is most effective when combined with strong leadership skills. People respect leaders who are both kind and firm because it shows they care while remaining focused on goals.
Why Likable Leaders Build Better Teams
Here’s the bottom line: people perform better for leaders they like and respect. A Gallup study found that teams with engaged and likable managers are 17% more productive and 21% more profitable. When employees feel connected to their leader, they are more likely to go above and beyond, trust each other, and stay committed to the organization’s mission.
Moreover, likable leaders help reduce turnover. Employees are less likely to leave a workplace where they feel appreciated and supported, saving organizations the high costs associated with recruiting and training replacements.
The Courage to Be Likable
Being a likable leader takes courage. It means putting effort into building relationships and genuinely caring about others’ success. It requires a willingness to give constructive feedback, even when it’s uncomfortable, because you value your team’s growth.
Likability is not a weakness—it’s a strength. It’s the foundation of trust and collaboration, making your team not only happier but also more productive. By embracing the courage to be likable, you’re not just leading a team; you’re inspiring them to achieve their best.
So, ask yourself: are you ready to lead with likability? The results may surprise you—and your team will thank you for it.
Giving Yourself Permission to Lead with Likability
That moment of watching the President connect with people in such a genuine and effortless way wasn’t just a lesson in charisma—it was a reminder of the power of likability in leadership. It showed me that being approachable and kind didn’t diminish authority; it strengthened it. If the President of the United States could exude warmth and build instant rapport, surely I could adopt a leadership style that resonated with my own values of approachability and kindness.
From that day forward, I gave myself permission to lead as my authentic self—not by emulating cold or authoritarian styles, but by embracing a likable leadership philosophy. And here’s what I’ve learned: likability doesn’t just make people feel good; it builds trust, fosters collaboration, and creates an environment where people thrive.
The courage to be likable as a leader comes with immense rewards. It makes teams happier, more cohesive, and ultimately more productive because they genuinely enjoy the work and the relationships they’ve built. Being likable doesn’t mean avoiding tough decisions or accountability—it means leading in a way that earns respect through kindness and integrity.
So, take a moment to reflect on your own leadership style. Are you giving yourself permission to lead with likability? If not, what’s holding you back? The most impactful leaders are those who connect with their teams on a human level and inspire them to work toward a shared vision. As I learned years ago, the courage to be likable isn’t just a leadership strategy—it’s a leadership superpower.
